What do you do when you have too many friends? I posed this question myself when I first joined ChocolateBrides.com, about four years ago. Traditionally, a woman had a maid of honor, a matron of honor, and then the rest were your cousins and other family members who your mother said you had to include. No one really got touchy abuot not getting an honor title because they knew that spot was reserved for your best bud or sister. But nowadays, through all of our different ways to make and maintain friendships, (your work best friends, your online best friends, your church best friends, etc), how do you construct your BP without making someone feel low on your totem pole?
1. Who ever said you HAD to have honor attendants? If you feel bad about not having an honor title for all of your friends, try dropping the whole notion. Having a good, solid crew of bridesmaids is not defined by having a MOH to boss everyone around. Let your girls work the shower, bachelorette party, etc., together!
2. Give them ALL a title. For my wedding, my husband and I gave each member of our bridal party an "Element of Marriage". We used all the things we thought were important ingredients in a strong marriage and allowed each of them to take on taht role. This worked out great because it helped me feel that everyone had a part to play, and no one would feel beneath anyone else. You can also personalize this system to suit your own bp and theme!
Here's my list if you need an example!
Element of Youthfulness
Element of Love
Element of Respect
Element of Friendship
Element of Prayer
Element of Grace
Element of Strength
Element of Humility
Element of Loyalty
Element of Devotion
Element of Faith
Element of Valor
Element of Trust
Element of Character
Element of Humor
Element of Dignity
Element of Hope
Element of Protection
Element of Honor
Element of Romance
3. Get creative. There's more than just maid of honor or matron. These days there are "Men of honor", "Maiden of honors", "Armor Bearers", etc.
4. Take away the titles and let them each contribute during the ceremony to mark their equal place in your life! Try having each bridesmaid enter, light a candle, and sit on the first pew of the church. Note in your programs that each person is responsible for creating the light in your heart. Or anything sweet and sentimental like that will do!
5. Give each of those special groups in your life, something different to be responsible for, and note them all in the programs. Ask your online buddies to honor you with being your hostesses at the reception. Allow your work best friends to coordinate your bachelorette party or girls' night out. Leave your bridal shower to your bff's. Or rearrange any of these to suit your needs!
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9 comments:
Great ideas! I always wondered how I was going to choose the "positions of honor" but your article just highlights the fact that ALL of the bridal party can feel like they hold a position of honor.
I wanted to be very different in every way. My sis was the Mat of Honor, my bro was the Man of Honor(standing behind my sis), and my SIL was the Best Lady (she stood behind the Best Man). Though I had to explain why I chose them this way, it was very different and it worked.
Great idea for the elements!
mrssmith08
"Try having each bridesmaid enter, light a candle, and sit on the first pew of the church. Note in your programs that each person is responsible for creating the light in your heart. Or anything sweet and sentimental like that will do!"
Great Idea! I'm going to borrow this. My FH doesn't want too many people standing up for us and this will help me keep the number I want but also compromise with him as well. I can have two light the candles and then sit down. Wonderful!!!!!!
Cocomama
Good ideas...I had a small wedding so there was no wedding party at all. This worked out fine for us. I didnt have too many female friends that were local and hubby had way too many guy friends to pick from.
I would just recommend to make sure that these are men/women that can stand up for you and do the "job". Too many times you hear complaints (myself included) on how the bridal party did not do their function. Make sure that each person understands his/her role in your wedding. At this time in your life, you definitely don't need added stress.
I LOVE THIS IDEA. SOME PEOPLE SEEMS TO BE BIG ON TITLES THIS IS A GREAT WAY TO MAKE EVERYONE FEEL IMPORTANT AND MAKE YOUR DAY GO SMOOTHLY
CHANTAY_WA
Damn, I wish I could have used this idea. Oh well I will pass it on to another bride to be who hasn't gotten that far yet.
Does anyone know why the Meeting Room on CB was closed?
Thanks so much for the advice. I don't have the BIG date set as of yet. However, my mind has been traveling from wedding/reception setting, to colors, to ceremony, etc. I seem to have two issues I am currently struggling with: who all stands and titles. I have three individuals who will be standing who are married. I know one traditionally has one Matron of Honor. Thanks for your creative suggestions in doing away with the titles.
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