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The RSVP. How many times before beginning to plan a wedding did you even think about these things? Most of us never even thought about response cards and RSVP wording before we started ogling invitation sets. But this little card means the WORLD in the land of wedding receptions and overall wedding etiquette.

Why is it important? Money and Respect, plain and simple. Ignoring the RSVP card is both disrespectful and very expensive for the newlyweds and guests should consider it when letting the card sit on their kitchen counter for twelve weeks.

The average wedding has anywhere from 150 to 300 guests. A typical price per plate for a wedding reception can range from $28-$52. PER PLATE. A possible $15,000! About a month prior to the event, most reception sites will request a final head count and payment. The final price the bride and groom pay is directly related to this count and how many CONFIRMED guests they are expecting. People who attend your wedding without you adding them to the count, basically cause you to breach the contract you've set with your venue.

This makes it more than a crisis when a guest doesn't RSVP but shows up anyway. I have seen this happen, and I have SEEN with my own eyes brides who've had to stop their reception to tear open wishing wells trying to pay for extra seating, which sorry to tell you, reception halls will then want in CASH. I've seen actual RSVP'd guests standing out in the foyer while dedicated hostesses scour to find the cheat who has taken a reserved seat. Wedding day chaos! Just because Shonda is your cousin, doesn't mean she should KNOW you're going to show up.

Another monetary thing that drives up the sheer annoyance about people who don't send the RSVP's in, is the fact that a bride of etiquette has mailed the RSVP card with PREPAID return postage. So its absolutely infuriating that guests refuse to check a box and drop the tiny card in a mailbox. The absent-minded or inconsiderate guest has already cost the bride and groom at least .36!

A well-worded response card also informs the guest of who exactly is invited by listing the names on the card or how many seats are reserved for them. Most guests who don't RSVP take this as their opportunity to either ignore or add to the listed information. Brides who give you this information aren't being rude, they're counting their $. Just because you think its rude that they didn't list your best friend Laquanda, doesn't mean they are trying to insult you. It's also not rude for them to not list your 3 children. Think about it, you're their parent, do YOU spend $36 on your kid to eat? I thought not.

There are many ways that guests choose to get stupid regarding response cards but the key for the efficient bride is to have three very important things in her arsenal:
1. Explicit and direct wording that informs the guest of what is reserved for them, when you expect the card returned, and what will happen if you don't receive it.
2. A LIST! At your place-card table, provide your hosts and hostesses with an accurate listing of who has RSVP'd. This is imperative!
2. Proficient hosts and hostesses manning your reception place-card table. You do NOT want anyone at that door who is going to let people slip in who are not on your list. If your cousin Carol is going to be letting the whole family in, regardless of the list, you don't want Carol at the door unless she's going to come out of pocket for those extra plates.

Basic RSVP wording:

The favor of a reply is requested by July 00, 2009
M __________________
# of guests _______

____ # of Children 11 & under
____ # of Adults

______ Yes, I / we will be attending.
______ No, but will be thinking of you.


Your RSVP wording is something you can entirely write yourself, but because of the great success of them, I've decided to provide some examples of CB wording. Gotta love those ChocolateBrides. Is there anything they haven't thought of?


MrsMelton08's wording:

We have reserved two seats in your honor for our
Black and White Celebration
The favor of a reply is required by
July 18, 2008to reserve these seats

For your convenience, you may also reserve your seating by
Phone: (xxx) xxx-xxxx,
E-mail: xxxxx@yahoo.com, or
Website: www.xxxxwedding.weddingannouncer.com
When replying at our website please use provided pin number: «RSVP ID»


For my own response cards I used the basic wording but also politley stated that guests were invited to join us for an "Adult Reception" and also ended with this:

"Please respond on or before May 29, 2005 for if you do not do so we regret there may not be a place for you."


But MochaWifey, you say, what happens if they don't RSVP and I don't want to give them the boot at the door? Here's what one CB sent to her Un-RSVP'd guests. I LOVE IT!

Davesgirl:

July 23, 2007

To our Family and Friends,
We hope that you have received our heartfelt invitation to our wedding. We were very excited to share our day with you and are saddened to find you won’t be joining us, but we are sure you will be with us in spirit as we are united as one in Christ and celebrate our union.
As you are aware, our wedding was open to family and friends, however we can no longer hold reservations for our ceremony and reception due to lack of response, it being a plated dinner and limited seating.
Even if you do not plan to attend a function, it is etiquette to return the self addressed, stamped RSVP noting that the invitation has been declined.. Please do so as soon as possible.
Although we are no longer taking reservations for our ceremony and reception due to our RSVP period which ended June 30, 2007, we would still like to extend a heartfelt thank you for considering us.
Thank you for your prayers and thoughts throughout the coming weeks and on our special day.
Sincerely,
The Bride and Groom