If You are a bride, READ THIS!!

Being a part of the ChocolateBrides Community, I've been blessed to attend quite a few weddings. Regardless of whether it was a wedding of a fellow CB who I've had the awesome pleasure of knowing through the board, friends and family members, or sometimes absolute strangers to which the CB magazine is reporting, I tend to see the same repetitive errors....so I'm gonna clue you in to a few.

• Number or code the back of your RSVP cards to correspond with your guest list so that you can tell who the returned cards belong to! I can't tell you how many people don't know how to properly fill out and return an RSVP card. Having a small way to identify their card will save you tons of confusion and time.

• At your rehearsal the night before, take a minute and jot down the order of the processional into the reception. It holds up YOUR entrance when the DJ or coordinator has to walk up and down the bridal party line with a piece of paper asking everyone's name, or making sure that people are standing in the same order as they are written in the program.

• Tell your DJ what kind of music, if not a specific song altogether, that you would like for your bridal party to enter on. I've seen at least three weddings where a really upbeat couple had to enter their reception to smooth jazz. Uncute.

• Clearly DEFINE and EXPLAIN exactly what you want your hostesses and helpers to do! I have been to quite a few receptions where hostesses were sitting around while friendly helpers took on the task of setting up the guest table and other tasks. I've also seen people who have no business running the guest list, suddenly being in charge of telling your Aunt Mabel where she's supposed to sit, and rather rudely I might add. Also, if you expect these people to set up ANY decorations, leave clear instructions about where you want things to be. You do not want people pulling things out of boxes going, "I wonder what she wants us to do with this thing?" No matter how much of a perfectionist or micro-manager you THINK you're still gonna want to be on your wedding day, you will not be the least bit concerned with these things. Trust me. Plan ahead.

• Since we're on the subject of the guest entrance table, make sure you have people at the door who will respect your wishes NO MATTER WHAT. It may mean them catching a few nasty looks, or evil glares, but the goal is not to make them popular, but to make sure that your orders are followed. Even if you made it crystal clear in your invitations that only RSVP'd guests will be allowed into your plated reception, it will go right out the window really fast if your cousin Peaches is at the door laughing and chilling instead of holding up the law.

• You do NOT have to allow any and everyone who asks to help, the opportunity to help. Woe to the bride who let her shaky handed cousin Pearline cut out the monograms she wants perfectly sized for her programs. Please, give Pearline a job that doesn't rest solely on her ability to hold scissors steadily and save yourself the heartache of having to wait until AFTER she's ruined all $15 worth of your specially purchased paper only for you to have to go out and buy some more and then cut it yourself anyway. There are times when trying to be nice, doubles your workload.

• Take your Maid of Honor with you when you have your final fitting. Not just because you want to "ooh" and "ahh" together, but because you need for this woman to know exactly how you want your dress fastened and how the bustle works! It would make no sense at all to spend that hefty fee for a glamorous bustle and then spend a half hour standing helplessly in the bathroom of your reception hall while your MOH tries to figure out what ties with what.

• Please inform your mother and mother-in-law that they are NOT to beat up the coordinator on the day of the wedding. As hard as it may be, the mom's have to realize that the way your day plays out is the way you've planned and coordinated with your wedding staff. Let them know ahead of time that they are not to grandstand and assert authority over your vendors or planner just because their baby got married today. I have seen TWO weddings where the mother of the bride and even one where a mother of the groom, who had no prior knowledge of the couple's wedding plan, came in and restructured seating, changed music selections, even changed the order of the program to suit themselves. Tell Mama nem to "saddown somewhere" or they just might catch a beatdown from your coordinator.

• If you hire a coordinator, hire one with thick skin. Your wedding day may be beautiful on the outside, but baby there are gonna be some battles underneath. People cuss, fuss, and act a clown behind the scenes at weddings. Nothing will be accomplished easily if your coordinator is in the bathroom crying into her hanky because Aunt Ruthie has cursed her out. Yes, even YOUR dear sweet Aunt Ruthie will act a hell's bell fool on her favorite niece's wedding day. Guests, obviously, don't know the work that has been put into a wedding or reception, all they know is what they see. Some guests, don't like when they see themselves sitting a bit of a distance away from your head table, or when they find out that they can't enter the hall until a certain time. And believe it or not, there are some guests who will totally flip if a coordinator politely reminds them that they have not RSVP'd and should stand to the side until they are approved entry. Your coordinator and staff should be well-equipped to handle any emotional outbursts. Take a good long look at her. If she seems like Aunt Ruthie would have her hemmed up, seek other arrangements for the day of the wedding.

• EAT! Your wedding is a big event. Your body is going to be pumping out so many endorphins that you just might forget that no, you cannot live on love alone, you need fuel. I personally forgot to eat at my own wedding and had a splitting headache until the next morning. Make sure that you have a small snack throughout the day to keep your energy up. You will thank yourself later.

• SMILE! (or at least look happy) People are snapping pictures from all angles at all times. You do not even want to know how many brides have seen pictures of themselves after the wedding and said, "What was I thinking about right then?"

• Be attentive to your groom. Yes, its the wedding, and its a big party and you have to greet people etc, but you just attached yourself to this man for LIFE, the least you could do is make sure he knows where you are at your own reception. I have seen with my own two eyes, grooms who are left sitting at their head tables eating while the bride is showing her cousins the new ring.

I would like to personally take this time to honor the life of a great entertainer and helluva Chocolate Groom Mr. Bernard Jeffrey McCullough aka Bernie Mac. What an example of great husbandry and loyalty. Mr. Chicago, you will be forever missed. From one Chi-Town to another, love you Uncle Bernie!

Stuff Brides Like

Sometimes we brides have to laugh at our own quirks. We know that sometimes we can be anal, obsessive-compulsive and maniacal crazies who will say and do some very ridiculous things to reach our wedding day. LOL Here's how CB spun the blog "Stuff Educated Black People Like", when I changed it to "Stuff Brides Like". Chill out Zilla, these are jokes...(well, a little of it might be true)

• Brides love to think that because their wedding went semi-successfully that they are now a professional wedding planner.

Despite the fact that their florist backed out at the last minute, their pocketfolds were a little over scale, or that they had to accomodate 50un-RSVP'd guests, brides love to believe that now they can make it all "perfect" for someone else. They will then try and convince you to try every failed idea they had, in hopes that it will work this time. Be advised, only about 4% of the bridal population go on to successfully plan and execute events. The majority of the field is dominated by happily single people willing to rake in the dough and think with a clear mind because they aren't trying to "fix" what went wrong in their own wedding.

• Brides love Hating other brides.

As above mentioned, Brides love to show that they are brides. T-shirts, tote bags, bulky binders, pre-made adress stickers for vendors, whatever they have to do. However, when a bride gets in an environment, i.e. a bridal show where there are other brides afoot, things tend to get a little tricky. Brides love to downplay or dissassemble the plans of other brides in their heads. "Oh, so she think lavender and pink are cute? I'm so glad I chose lavender and orange, its so much better". "She went with David's, well I'm so glad I went to House of Brides". Brides hate to see other brides in dresss shops and will silenty plan executions for other brides who even touch a dress that they had in mind while in the store. Also as stated above, brides love to be the center of attention and would much prefer that the dress store was open exclusively for them until the end of their season.

• Brides love smiling at their fiances in public and then wanting to strangle them in private.

Gone are the days where he is the apple of your eye. From the moment the ring touches your finger and you meet your first vendor, any dumb statement Prince Charming makes from here on out can get him pulverized. Examples of dumb statements:1. I know I said I'd get the adresses, but I mean, its cool, I'll get em next week.2. Yeah, I called the tux place. We got time.3. Yeah, so I know the wedding is in 3 months, but I think I'm gon loc [frenchbraid, twist, or any other newfangled thing] my hair. 4. You sure you don't want to just go to City Hall. I mean why we gotta pay for all these other folk to eat?The ALL-TIME worst statement for a groom to make: ***RELAX, CALM DOWN, or any other comment on her bridezilla tendencies. You need to be just as stressed as they are for them to even LIKE you during this time. Get with the program dude.

• Brides love to do anything they think NO ONE else has done or is doing.

Brides love to decide out of the blue that their colors are going to be something like teal and sunlight or tears and fire so that people have to say WOW when they hear it. Brides love to have birds escorting people to their seats or panthers lying at the foot of the altar so that people leave going, "now that, was a wedding." If their best friend wore white last year, they go and find an eggshell dress. If their mother wore a veil, she wants a birdcage. Anything to be different and stand out and a bride has to have it. Hence the ruby, onyx, pearl, and basically anything but diamond wedding rings that are coming into style.

September7Bride says: Brides will stop living and breathing if another bride's ideas are even remotely similar. I promise you, you won't die if a bride getting married 5 years after you has your same colors.Bridal traditionals are like fashion, at some point it always comes back, that being said ... just how original is "your" idea any way. If push comes to shove, consider it a compliment.

MzSlimmie says: Hmmm, although I am not yet a bride I would hazzard to say that Brides like to be the center of attention...and why shouldn't they? It is their day, the day they dedicated their hearts and lives to the man they will be with until death do part, so knowing this PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE never show up to a wedding wearing a white dress that is prettier or fancier than the bride's, for this will take attention from said bride and will likely cause you to end up in the hospital for an undisclosed amount of time.

MrsSmith08 chimes in: Brides like order. For their specific day to run smoothly, and on time. Brides like to send the entire bridal party (including flower girls) newsletters letting them know what to wear, how much it costs, how to style their hair, how much makeup to use, what lenght nails to have, what type of jewelry, where to be and what time to be there. If one person is not in place at the specific time...watch out To the bride, if one thing is not going well, ALL OF IT is not going well. So, the next time you accept the position in the wedding party, be forewarned and grab your calendars and pens. Forget your birthdays, anniversaries and holidays. The itineraries, schedules, and newsletters cometh.

Epiphany1969 says: Brides like detail. There is not just blue, there is royal, carribean, tiffany, powder, ice, etc. If you come to a bride with generalities you'd better be ready to discuss the fine print.Baked chicken? Will that have mushroom sauce, a spicy pesto, a marinara?Flowers? Will those be peace lilies or stargazer lilies? Will they be at half or full bloom?Gown color? Pure white, starlight white, ivory, eggshell, off-white, platinum, pale gold?

MrsMelton08 drops this observation: Brides, like to let you know they are brides. They will wear t-shirts, hats, bags, buttons, etc that says "bride" and then they will act surprised when you ask them if they are getting married. Yes, this might seem silly to you as they are wearing a hat, button, veil and t-shirt at the same time, but play along with the bride because although she loves to talk about the wedding, she does realize she has to wait for strangers to bring up the wedding to go into full bridal mode. Similar to the above, brides love to show off their engagement rings. They will cough, scratch their head, play with their nails and whatever else is necessary to be sure that you notice the ring. They will also eyeball your ring no matter how content they say they are with the size and quality of their ring to make sure yours is not bigger.