"You know, as a black woman, I just don't see the point. Why do we have to be so separate all the time? I mean, you don't see Asian Brides or Latina Brides magazines, do you? I'm just gon stick with the magazines I got, ain't no point of us making ourselves MORE separate. See, that's what get on my nerves, black folk always got to be making a fuss about....."
Sound familiar?
I've heard this argument so many times in the past five years of my life in the ChocolateBrides family. Well-meaning black women choosing to tear down the self-pride CB tries to partake of in the interest of being unified with the mass media as a whole. For a while, I did begin to feel a bit ashamed. When telling coworkers what magazine I worked for, I would hesitate a little before stating CHOCOLATEbrides, and simply state that I wrote for a bridal blog and mag. I would feel a little, I guess racist, when I would finally reveal that it was a bridal conglomerate which catered specifically to African-American brides. Some caucassian coworkers did give off that "oh" face when I said it, while others simply looked like, "well isn't that cute".
This post won't be long, so let me get to the point. I was in Borders today. I bought my beautiful goddaughter a book to read and then we waited near the entrance for my husband to return from the restroom. While we stood there, in the magazine section, in the year 2009, I looked down at the bridal section and EVERY SINGLE cover, featured a caucassian-american bride. Every hairstyle was blonde or light brunette tendrils cascading over heartshape strapless bodices. Every face showed rosy cheeks with pale pink shoulders, and I had to admit, as I stood there, that it frustrated me. Not so much for myself, because I am nearing my fourth anniversary and through the help of CB, I found my own way. My frustration was for the others. The other woman who cannot seem to figure out how her beautiful loc'd tresses will ever fit the stereotype of the bride. The other black woman who's predisposition to voluptuous curves and bubbly silhouette tends to make visits to bridal boutiques embarassing and hurtful. The woman who does NOT have the resources nor the family structure to allow the lavish and over-zealous affairs written about in these other magazines.
I was frustrated and angry for HER.
ChocolateBrides exists because we DO need a place to embrace one another.
ChocolateBrides exists because we DO deserve a small piece of the bridal world that we can put our own stamp on.
ChocolateBrides exists because we DO have cultural, ethnic, physical, sociological and financial differences from the rest of the world.
And you know what?
That is okay.
It does not make us racist, divisive, obnoxious, or arrogant.
What it does is help us show the world that we are beautiful, frugal, creative, imaginative, resourceful, loving, loveable, and yes, dare I say it MARRIAGE MATERIAL.
So, the next time you find yourself in a conversation that asks, "Why ChocolateBrides?" please, for the sake of progress, ask, "Whatever would we do withOUT it?"
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