Support ChocolateBrides! And groove at the same time!

ChocolateBrides is home to so many talented and inspirational people. One such couple are Skip and Renee, affectionately known on the boards as Poppa Skip and Mom Renee! In honor of the website that has blessed us all so much, Poppa Skip and his group, Skip Mahoney and the Casuals have produced a cd featuring the ChocolateBrides Theme Song. Please support this awesome group while also supporting ChocolateBrides as well!

excerpt taken from the Notes on the ChocolateBrides Theme Song CD baby page:

Skip Mahoney and The Casuals have on the R&B music scene for approximately 40 years singing love ballads with Skip's melodic falsetto. S.O.L.E. is a neo-soul group based in the Washington Metro area that Skip tapped to help him produce this project. Turns out their sound was reminiscent of Old School R&B, but with today's flair. Skip also believes this album is a first for an artist to release his original song with a new group remake and a re-mix from each group and the instrumental on the same release.



Chocolate Brides is a tribute to Love, but especially black love. It is a song that disputes the negative belief that African-Americans do not marry or commit to Love. Skip's wife is a member of ChocolateBrides.com, which she joined when they were planning their wedding. He loved the commitment and camaraderie he saw amongst the members that he decided to write a song for the members. He especially admired the owner/creator of the site, Kesha Monk and her husband Eugene Myrick. Kesha is a well known DJ in the NY, Chicago and Los Angeles area. It was Kesha's vision to create a place for brides of color to plan their unique wedding day and to share a special sisterhood and also allowing future spouses and significant others to participate in the fun. The site generates an air of family whenever it is visited.



The cd has the song in 3 genres, Old Skool R&B, contemporary R&B and instrumental (suitable for that trip down the aisle.



Sit back and enjoy this tribute to love.

Click Here to listen and purchase this awesome CD!

Pure Chocolate Splendor!

I was going to blog this beautiful story myself but the photographer, Shannon Smith of 831 Photography(Akron, Ohio) worded it so well, I simply decided to ask his permission to repost his blogging of the wedding of Stacey and Ernest! Enjoy!

Stacey & Ernest's Wedding

What a beautiful wedding at the Akron Civic Theatre. I was totally impressed with the style and organization of LW Special Event Planning from Los Angeles, California. LaTonya was super easy to work with, and kept everything right on track.

Stacey had a very unique way of receiving her bouquet - the women in her life most important to her each delivered a flower, and at the end, her mother hand tied the flowers into a bouquet - very original!

If you've never had the pleasure of visiting the Akron Civic Theatre, I'd suggest you make time! It's a very beautiful location, in the middle of being restored to it's original glory. The ceremony took place in the Grand Foyer, an absolutely amazing room with beautiful carvings, artwork, and lighting. The manager was extremely helpful, basically giving us full access to all the amazing areas of one of the most unique theaters in the country. It is only one of a handful of theaters in the US that have an ambient ceiling - projected clouds, twinkling lights, and a seamless look. You'd swear you were outdoors!

Thanks again to an amazing couple for letting us capture your day. Stacey & Ernest, best wishes for your future!

Shan

MochaWifey's thoughts:

1. Thanks again Shan, Stacy & Ernest and LW Events for sharing with us!
2. BEAUTIFUL use of the natural architecture and decor of the Civic Center! For CB insight on selecting great venues, click here.
3. The ChocolateBrides are LOVING the birdcage veils...click here for more pics and ideas on them!
4. Obvious great job on selecting a photographer! CB's, click here to view a beautiful slideshow of these fabulous Chocolate nuptials by visiting the 831 Photography blog!
5. Seamless selection of a great event planner! LA CB's, be sure to check out LW Events!
   

Why Chocolate Brides?

"You know, as a black woman, I just don't see the point. Why do we have to be so separate all the time? I mean, you don't see Asian Brides or Latina Brides magazines, do you? I'm just gon stick with the magazines I got, ain't no point of us making ourselves MORE separate. See, that's what get on my nerves, black folk always got to be making a fuss about....."

Sound familiar?


I've heard this argument so many times in the past five years of my life in the ChocolateBrides family. Well-meaning black women choosing to tear down the self-pride CB tries to partake of in the interest of being unified with the mass media as a whole. For a while, I did begin to feel a bit ashamed. When telling coworkers what magazine I worked for, I would hesitate a little before stating CHOCOLATEbrides, and simply state that I wrote for a bridal blog and mag. I would feel a little, I guess racist, when I would finally reveal that it was a bridal conglomerate which catered specifically to African-American brides. Some caucassian coworkers did give off that "oh" face when I said it, while others simply looked like, "well isn't that cute".

This post won't be long, so let me get to the point. I was in Borders today. I bought my beautiful goddaughter a book to read and then we waited near the entrance for my husband to return from the restroom. While we stood there, in the magazine section, in the year 2009, I looked down at the bridal section and EVERY SINGLE cover, featured a caucassian-american bride. Every hairstyle was blonde or light brunette tendrils cascading over heartshape strapless bodices. Every face showed rosy cheeks with pale pink shoulders, and I had to admit, as I stood there, that it frustrated me. Not so much for myself, because I am nearing my fourth anniversary and through the help of CB, I found my own way. My frustration was for the others. The other woman who cannot seem to figure out how her beautiful loc'd tresses will ever fit the stereotype of the bride. The other black woman who's predisposition to voluptuous curves and bubbly silhouette tends to make visits to bridal boutiques embarassing and hurtful. The woman who does NOT have the resources nor the family structure to allow the lavish and over-zealous affairs written about in these other magazines.

I was frustrated and angry for HER.

ChocolateBrides exists because we DO need a place to embrace one another.
ChocolateBrides exists because we DO deserve a small piece of the bridal world that we can put our own stamp on.
ChocolateBrides exists because we DO have cultural, ethnic, physical, sociological and financial differences from the rest of the world.

And you know what?

That is okay.

It does not make us racist, divisive, obnoxious, or arrogant.
What it does is help us show the world that we are beautiful, frugal, creative, imaginative, resourceful, loving, loveable, and yes, dare I say it MARRIAGE MATERIAL.

So, the next time you find yourself in a conversation that asks, "Why ChocolateBrides?" please, for the sake of progress, ask, "Whatever would we do withOUT it?"

MochaWifey's Random thoughts "Get your head in the game!"

When I hear of a newly engaged bride, I usually offer my congratulations, some starting points on the wedding planning process, and OF COURSE hand them a copy of the CB Mag and a link to the messageboard {wink}. There is so much excitement in those first few weeks of engagement. The elation of being engaged generally propels new brides into a dead-on planning mode that is just full of smiles and relaxed joy. However, often by the time the bride has reached the first disappointment of the planning cycle; trying on a dress that doesn't fit her the way she imagined, or finding out that the church is booked on the date she's always dreamed of, there is some disturbance in the way she once looked at planning. Many brides will reach, "the wall", and just shut down. I can understand. However, as my mother would say, "One Monkey Don't Stop No Show!" Get up, dust yourself off, and get your head in the game! Don't let the disappointments that come with planning discourage you or knock you off track! Get motivated, remember why you're doing all this in the first place, remember it is okay to take a break once in a while, and then jump back in the game. Oh, and if you you need some more motivation, I know this great messageboard where supportive women will just take you right i-....oh, you already know that don't you? {wink}

Straight from the CB thinktank: "Is It Possible to Have a Wedding Under $5,000 (150 guests)?"

I say it ALL the time, CB will consistently swoop in with more than just ideas, but with motivation and encouragement. This particular question was really asked in a ChocolateBrides.com thread. Here is how the CB's responded:

DivaJag says:
"It's doable, but you're going to have to seriously reign in expenses. The first question to ask yourself is what is important to you? What MUST you have? What are you not as concerned about? Then look for ways to slash prices on the things you don't really care about.

For example, if you're not picky about invitations and programs, then get something inexpensive printed up (or DIY -- do it yourself) and type up your own programs on the computer (we have a template section on the site) and go to Kinkos.
If you're not picky about the reception, then consider having a morning wedding (with a brunch reception) or moving the wedding to a non-peak day or negotiate with the caterer to take some things off for a discount (I got free hors d'oeuvres at my reception because I didn't want the dessert the caterer was offering, so they made a substitution) or a potluck or a very casual affair. For attire, go to David's Bridal or eBay or buy a used wedding dress off craigslist. So in a nutshell, yes, it is possible to have a wedding under $5k, but you need to be willing to "think outside of the box." "

Zion1908 chimed in:
Sis, anything is possible. Granted, I'm not in ATL so I don't really know what down there would be affordable to you. But take some of what everyone else has said.

Food:
Light hors d'ouvres or maybe just dessert and champagne/sparkling cider

Flowers:
Limit to just wedding party members and get them from the grocery store or a wholesale floral outlet. There are instructions here on the boards for making fabulous bouquets and boutionneres from flowers bought at the supermarket.

Attire:
Off the rack, eBay, or have a trusted seamstress do everything.

Ceremony music:
If not CDs, then look into students at local schools who might be willing to play for free or a small amount of money.

Photography:
If you hire someone, only enlist their services for the ceremony and have everyone take snapshots at the reception.

Cake:
Grocery stores often have cakes just as beautiful as fancy bakeries and they're ALWAYS cheaper. We got our cake from a local market here.

Invitations:
Your printer and some nice paper. You can even catch those invitation kits on sale at Michael's, AC Moore, or Wal-Mart.

Location:
If you know someone with a nice yard, offer them a small honorarium in exchange for using their home. If you know someone who lives in a community with a clubhouse, or if you live in one yourself, use the clubhouse. The mansion where we got married was owned by the county as a park location, so since we were county residents we were able to get a discount. Check into parks and publicly-owned buildings.

Ask friends and family with useful talents to donate their services as a wedding gift (or at least negotiate a discount based on your relationship). If you can, barter services. For instance, my friend does wedding photography and she needed a website. So I did her website at no cost in exchange for her services at my wedding. We got professional photography for free! Also, let Craigslist.com be your friend. A lot of people out there offer their services on Craigslist for free or at an incredible discount just because they're starting out and simply want to get their name out there or add to their portfolio. This would come in handy in your search for a DJ or photographer.
* Don't get a traditional wedding cake. Get the simple round cakes from the grocery store and buy pedestal platforms from the craft store or bakery store in varying heights and set them up at the reception.

* You can even embellish them with those cheap flowers from the grocery store or wholesale floral shop that we talked about. You'll spend a fraction of a fraction of what you would have spent for a traditional wedding cake. And one thing my husband and I did was have our regular cake (which wasn't large enough for our guest count) and then a sheet cake in the back that would feed the rest of the guests. It shaved our cake costs because if we had gotten another tier on our cake to feed everyone it would have cost us much more. Have just a few rounds on display, and then feed any remaining guests with the sheet cake.

* Have everything in one place. Unless you have a hookup for the church or house of worship where you want to marry, you're going to have to pay a fee for that. Having everything in one place cuts down your costs because you won't have to pay one fee for the church and another for the reception location.

* Don't include RSVP cards in your invitations. Have everyone RSVP via phone or email. It'll cut down on your postage costs as well as the costs of your invitation supplies.

* If you can't afford an officiant, have a trusted friend or family member get ordained online and perform the ceremony as a gift. this may not be an issue for you, but it's an idea."





To see more of what the ladies had to say on this topic, visit the messageboard! This is what makes ChocolateBrides.com THE premier website for Brides of Color! The advice and love is absolutely priceless.

Répondez s'il vous plaît

The RSVP. How many times before beginning to plan a wedding did you even think about these things? Most of us never even thought about response cards and RSVP wording before we started ogling invitation sets. But this little card means the WORLD in the land of wedding receptions and overall wedding etiquette.

Why is it important? Money and Respect, plain and simple. Ignoring the RSVP card is both disrespectful and very expensive for the newlyweds and guests should consider it when letting the card sit on their kitchen counter for twelve weeks.

The average wedding has anywhere from 150 to 300 guests. A typical price per plate for a wedding reception can range from $28-$52. PER PLATE. A possible $15,000! About a month prior to the event, most reception sites will request a final head count and payment. The final price the bride and groom pay is directly related to this count and how many CONFIRMED guests they are expecting. People who attend your wedding without you adding them to the count, basically cause you to breach the contract you've set with your venue.

This makes it more than a crisis when a guest doesn't RSVP but shows up anyway. I have seen this happen, and I have SEEN with my own eyes brides who've had to stop their reception to tear open wishing wells trying to pay for extra seating, which sorry to tell you, reception halls will then want in CASH. I've seen actual RSVP'd guests standing out in the foyer while dedicated hostesses scour to find the cheat who has taken a reserved seat. Wedding day chaos! Just because Shonda is your cousin, doesn't mean she should KNOW you're going to show up.

Another monetary thing that drives up the sheer annoyance about people who don't send the RSVP's in, is the fact that a bride of etiquette has mailed the RSVP card with PREPAID return postage. So its absolutely infuriating that guests refuse to check a box and drop the tiny card in a mailbox. The absent-minded or inconsiderate guest has already cost the bride and groom at least .36!

A well-worded response card also informs the guest of who exactly is invited by listing the names on the card or how many seats are reserved for them. Most guests who don't RSVP take this as their opportunity to either ignore or add to the listed information. Brides who give you this information aren't being rude, they're counting their $. Just because you think its rude that they didn't list your best friend Laquanda, doesn't mean they are trying to insult you. It's also not rude for them to not list your 3 children. Think about it, you're their parent, do YOU spend $36 on your kid to eat? I thought not.

There are many ways that guests choose to get stupid regarding response cards but the key for the efficient bride is to have three very important things in her arsenal:
1. Explicit and direct wording that informs the guest of what is reserved for them, when you expect the card returned, and what will happen if you don't receive it.
2. A LIST! At your place-card table, provide your hosts and hostesses with an accurate listing of who has RSVP'd. This is imperative!
2. Proficient hosts and hostesses manning your reception place-card table. You do NOT want anyone at that door who is going to let people slip in who are not on your list. If your cousin Carol is going to be letting the whole family in, regardless of the list, you don't want Carol at the door unless she's going to come out of pocket for those extra plates.

Basic RSVP wording:

The favor of a reply is requested by July 00, 2009
M __________________
# of guests _______

____ # of Children 11 & under
____ # of Adults

______ Yes, I / we will be attending.
______ No, but will be thinking of you.


Your RSVP wording is something you can entirely write yourself, but because of the great success of them, I've decided to provide some examples of CB wording. Gotta love those ChocolateBrides. Is there anything they haven't thought of?


MrsMelton08's wording:

We have reserved two seats in your honor for our
Black and White Celebration
The favor of a reply is required by
July 18, 2008to reserve these seats

For your convenience, you may also reserve your seating by
Phone: (xxx) xxx-xxxx,
E-mail: xxxxx@yahoo.com, or
Website: www.xxxxwedding.weddingannouncer.com
When replying at our website please use provided pin number: «RSVP ID»


For my own response cards I used the basic wording but also politley stated that guests were invited to join us for an "Adult Reception" and also ended with this:

"Please respond on or before May 29, 2005 for if you do not do so we regret there may not be a place for you."


But MochaWifey, you say, what happens if they don't RSVP and I don't want to give them the boot at the door? Here's what one CB sent to her Un-RSVP'd guests. I LOVE IT!

Davesgirl:

July 23, 2007

To our Family and Friends,
We hope that you have received our heartfelt invitation to our wedding. We were very excited to share our day with you and are saddened to find you won’t be joining us, but we are sure you will be with us in spirit as we are united as one in Christ and celebrate our union.
As you are aware, our wedding was open to family and friends, however we can no longer hold reservations for our ceremony and reception due to lack of response, it being a plated dinner and limited seating.
Even if you do not plan to attend a function, it is etiquette to return the self addressed, stamped RSVP noting that the invitation has been declined.. Please do so as soon as possible.
Although we are no longer taking reservations for our ceremony and reception due to our RSVP period which ended June 30, 2007, we would still like to extend a heartfelt thank you for considering us.
Thank you for your prayers and thoughts throughout the coming weeks and on our special day.
Sincerely,
The Bride and Groom

YES, we're late....

Congratulations to Lance Gross and Eva Marcille! The TopModel winner/actress and the NAACP award-winning actor were engaged during a family ski vacation on Christmas Eve! Gross presented Marcille with the 3.36-carat 1895 Pave Cartier ring after using a pillow he'd wrapped as her Christmas present to ask her hand. I hear that the plans are hinting towards the summer of next year. Hey Eva....CB has ALLL the ideas, for every budget, on how to turn your party out! We know you're a TopModel, but Tyra got nothing on us when it comes to brides! Congratulations!

ChocolateBrides Love

The Heart and Soul of ChocolateBrides.com is the Message Board and the bonds created by the members who participate and share there! In genuine love of the board and the great love found there, one of our members, LilSpyce created this video for our founders Kesha and Eugene! Enjoy!

Pardon our dust, but remodel we must!

Please excuse our dust as we prepare to provide you with the latest and greatest in the Chocolate Bridal world!!
Coming soon:

The Best Summer and Spring Plans!
Guest Articles and interviews featuring REAL ChocolateBrides!
New and Interesting ideas for the DIY CB!

The writers and supporters of ChocolateBrides.com, ChocolateBridesMagazine, and ChocolateBridalBlog thank you for your continued patience and support and can't wait to bring you a new season of elegant, creative and fun topics!


Sincerely,
MochaWifey

The Newest Soon-To-Be Chocolate Bride!

Chocolatebrides.com congratulates Jennifer Hudson!

From the Associated Press:

NEW YORK (AP) — Jennifer Hudson got a big surprise on her 27th birthday: an engagement ring.
Hudson's beau, David Otunga, popped the question while celebrating the actress-singer's big day in Los Angeles on Friday, her publicist, Jessica Kolstad, said Monday.
The couple have not yet set a wedding date, Kolstad said.
Hudson won a best supporting actress Oscar in 2007 for her role in "Dreamgirls." Her film credits also include "Sex and the City" and the upcoming "The Secret Life of Bees." The "American Idol" alum will release her debut solo album Sept. 30.
Otunga appeared as a contestant nicknamed "Punk" on the VH1 reality dating show "I Love New York 2."

Congratulations Jennifer and David! Can't wait to see how beautiful of a CB you're destined to be!

My Best Friend's Wedding, and my other best friend, and my other best friend, and my other best friend....

What do you do when you have too many friends? I posed this question myself when I first joined ChocolateBrides.com, about four years ago. Traditionally, a woman had a maid of honor, a matron of honor, and then the rest were your cousins and other family members who your mother said you had to include. No one really got touchy abuot not getting an honor title because they knew that spot was reserved for your best bud or sister. But nowadays, through all of our different ways to make and maintain friendships, (your work best friends, your online best friends, your church best friends, etc), how do you construct your BP without making someone feel low on your totem pole?

1. Who ever said you HAD to have honor attendants? If you feel bad about not having an honor title for all of your friends, try dropping the whole notion. Having a good, solid crew of bridesmaids is not defined by having a MOH to boss everyone around. Let your girls work the shower, bachelorette party, etc., together!

2. Give them ALL a title. For my wedding, my husband and I gave each member of our bridal party an "Element of Marriage". We used all the things we thought were important ingredients in a strong marriage and allowed each of them to take on taht role. This worked out great because it helped me feel that everyone had a part to play, and no one would feel beneath anyone else. You can also personalize this system to suit your own bp and theme!
Here's my list if you need an example!

Element of Youthfulness
Element of Love
Element of Respect
Element of Friendship
Element of Prayer
Element of Grace
Element of Strength
Element of Humility
Element of Loyalty
Element of Devotion
Element of Faith
Element of Valor
Element of Trust
Element of Character
Element of Humor
Element of Dignity
Element of Hope
Element of Protection
Element of Honor
Element of Romance

3. Get creative. There's more than just maid of honor or matron. These days there are "Men of honor", "Maiden of honors", "Armor Bearers", etc.

4. Take away the titles and let them each contribute during the ceremony to mark their equal place in your life! Try having each bridesmaid enter, light a candle, and sit on the first pew of the church. Note in your programs that each person is responsible for creating the light in your heart. Or anything sweet and sentimental like that will do!

5. Give each of those special groups in your life, something different to be responsible for, and note them all in the programs. Ask your online buddies to honor you with being your hostesses at the reception. Allow your work best friends to coordinate your bachelorette party or girls' night out. Leave your bridal shower to your bff's. Or rearrange any of these to suit your needs!

Throwback Thursday

President and First Lady

Barack & Michelle Obama

October 18, 1992

If these two aren't THE

pivotal Chocolate Bride & Groom,

then I don't know who is.

The absolute pride and adoration shared

between these two is seen as strongly

today as it was in these pictures.

So real, so in love, so inspiring.

Congratulations on the nomination, and we'll see you at the White House!

CB Theme Highlight

A theme is the overall vision your wedding day envokes. Over the years, the importance of having a theme has become outstanding as wedding professionals and vendors have taken the route of catering everything by way of the theme and ChocolateBrides.com is no different. When I joined CB back in 2004, I had no idea that weddings had themes but now I can't see it any other way. CB Theme Highlights will be themes that the messageboard has found done exceptionally well.

Today's CB Theme Highlight is: Princess/Royalty/Dreams do Come True/FairyTale

Colors:

One of the most awesome things about choosing a royalty theme is that your choice of colors is endless! Almost any color combination can bring about some regality. Bold, bright, dark, or even pastels can make your day stand out!

Attire:

GO ALL OUT! There are no holds barred when you're the Queen. Go for that cathedral length veil or train you've always wanted. Visit sites like Ebay or rhinestonejewelry.com and purchase yourself a crown. Accent your jewelry and dress with sparkling jewels. Pearls, rubies, saphires, emeralds, and of course diamonds add just the right amount of sparkle and bling.

Invitations:

Scroll invitations are an elegant touch to this theme. They are sure to give your guests the feeling that they are attending a royal ball and not just your average wedding reception. If you're not feeling the scroll idea, many companies offer themed invitations as well. To add an extra spark of elegance, sprinkle gold or silver dust into each invitation and seal envelopes with wax and engraved stamps.

Personalized touches:

I created a royal crest for my husband and I, merging his love of music with my love of writing to be used on our programs and other special items. The personalized crest idea is really becoming a favorite with the royalty/fairytale themed affairs. Outlines and templates for creating your own crests can be found pretty easily by googling them!

Have a royal fanfare. Hire a professional trumpeteer to announce your entrance. If you don't know anyone who plays the horn, download a fanfare or pick up a cd that contains one.

Transportation:

Rent an old-school luxury car like a Rolls Royce, or book yourself a horse and carriage. Every princess deserves a royal escort.

Theme accents:

Castles, glass slippers, scrolls, jewels, elegant monograms,

big curls, crowns, tiaras, flowing gowns.

These are only a VERY few ideas...for more, visit the Chocolatebrides.com messageboard!

Throwback Thursday

Thomas and Valeria Gray

December 13, 1959

"epiphany1969" of the ChocolateBrides.com Messageboard writes:
Quick story - most of you all know that my father is now in a nursing home because of the damage from his stroke in January. He is unable to clearly communicate with us any longer.This summer my son started a project to electronically archive all of my mother's photo albums. That was the first photo that he scanned. I came up with the idea to put some of the pictures on my son's laptop and take them to show my dad at the nursing home. You shoulda seen how he stared at and studied that wedding picture. It was priceless. 48 years later - that love is still there.

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming...

Question of the day:

In all of our attempts to be unique and brand-new, do people still adhere to the rules of which side each family sits on, or do we just let people sit anywhere?

And now, a message TO our sponsors...

I'm taking this time away from bridal banter to note that yes, the CB messageboard is down. The reasons for this hiatus have not been clearly stated, however I can assume that there are principalities at work here. Now, more than ever family, I need for you all to help fuel this blog and the ChocolateBrides mission. Help us to show the world what ChocolateBrides means. Help us to remind our beloved founders what ChocolateBrides means to us.

In fear of sounding too much like the ending sequence of the Care Bears movie, I need for you all to let us know...

What does ChocolateBrides mean to you? What has it provided for you? What does it mean to you that the board is down? and any other things you'd like to say!

Ladies and visitors, the doors of the church are open...please comment!

MochaWifey's Random Thoughts

MW Random Thought #4 - I ain't stuttin you.

Maybe I was a heffa....maybe I was being a jerk...or maybe I was just staying true to my word.

My wedding invitation read, and I quote,
"Ceremony will begin promptly at 4." and we did. Sorry to the bridesmaid who missed the whole thing, but that direction went for guests AND participants.

Just because you're a briesmaid or a groomsman, my dear aunt Sally, the coordinator, or WHATEVER you are, please don't believe that I will halt my day to await your grand arrival. As my grandmother would say, "I ain't stuttin you"....See you at the reception boo.

MochaWifey's Random Thought #3

If you see the bride eating...from the plate she paid upwards of $49 for.....that means DON'T RUN UP TRYING TO TALK TO HER!

Why do people think that just because you're sitting down, or quiet for the moment its an open invitation for them to come yammering off. I paid GOOD money for this food, let me eat it!

If You are a bride, READ THIS!!

Being a part of the ChocolateBrides Community, I've been blessed to attend quite a few weddings. Regardless of whether it was a wedding of a fellow CB who I've had the awesome pleasure of knowing through the board, friends and family members, or sometimes absolute strangers to which the CB magazine is reporting, I tend to see the same repetitive errors....so I'm gonna clue you in to a few.

• Number or code the back of your RSVP cards to correspond with your guest list so that you can tell who the returned cards belong to! I can't tell you how many people don't know how to properly fill out and return an RSVP card. Having a small way to identify their card will save you tons of confusion and time.

• At your rehearsal the night before, take a minute and jot down the order of the processional into the reception. It holds up YOUR entrance when the DJ or coordinator has to walk up and down the bridal party line with a piece of paper asking everyone's name, or making sure that people are standing in the same order as they are written in the program.

• Tell your DJ what kind of music, if not a specific song altogether, that you would like for your bridal party to enter on. I've seen at least three weddings where a really upbeat couple had to enter their reception to smooth jazz. Uncute.

• Clearly DEFINE and EXPLAIN exactly what you want your hostesses and helpers to do! I have been to quite a few receptions where hostesses were sitting around while friendly helpers took on the task of setting up the guest table and other tasks. I've also seen people who have no business running the guest list, suddenly being in charge of telling your Aunt Mabel where she's supposed to sit, and rather rudely I might add. Also, if you expect these people to set up ANY decorations, leave clear instructions about where you want things to be. You do not want people pulling things out of boxes going, "I wonder what she wants us to do with this thing?" No matter how much of a perfectionist or micro-manager you THINK you're still gonna want to be on your wedding day, you will not be the least bit concerned with these things. Trust me. Plan ahead.

• Since we're on the subject of the guest entrance table, make sure you have people at the door who will respect your wishes NO MATTER WHAT. It may mean them catching a few nasty looks, or evil glares, but the goal is not to make them popular, but to make sure that your orders are followed. Even if you made it crystal clear in your invitations that only RSVP'd guests will be allowed into your plated reception, it will go right out the window really fast if your cousin Peaches is at the door laughing and chilling instead of holding up the law.

• You do NOT have to allow any and everyone who asks to help, the opportunity to help. Woe to the bride who let her shaky handed cousin Pearline cut out the monograms she wants perfectly sized for her programs. Please, give Pearline a job that doesn't rest solely on her ability to hold scissors steadily and save yourself the heartache of having to wait until AFTER she's ruined all $15 worth of your specially purchased paper only for you to have to go out and buy some more and then cut it yourself anyway. There are times when trying to be nice, doubles your workload.

• Take your Maid of Honor with you when you have your final fitting. Not just because you want to "ooh" and "ahh" together, but because you need for this woman to know exactly how you want your dress fastened and how the bustle works! It would make no sense at all to spend that hefty fee for a glamorous bustle and then spend a half hour standing helplessly in the bathroom of your reception hall while your MOH tries to figure out what ties with what.

• Please inform your mother and mother-in-law that they are NOT to beat up the coordinator on the day of the wedding. As hard as it may be, the mom's have to realize that the way your day plays out is the way you've planned and coordinated with your wedding staff. Let them know ahead of time that they are not to grandstand and assert authority over your vendors or planner just because their baby got married today. I have seen TWO weddings where the mother of the bride and even one where a mother of the groom, who had no prior knowledge of the couple's wedding plan, came in and restructured seating, changed music selections, even changed the order of the program to suit themselves. Tell Mama nem to "saddown somewhere" or they just might catch a beatdown from your coordinator.

• If you hire a coordinator, hire one with thick skin. Your wedding day may be beautiful on the outside, but baby there are gonna be some battles underneath. People cuss, fuss, and act a clown behind the scenes at weddings. Nothing will be accomplished easily if your coordinator is in the bathroom crying into her hanky because Aunt Ruthie has cursed her out. Yes, even YOUR dear sweet Aunt Ruthie will act a hell's bell fool on her favorite niece's wedding day. Guests, obviously, don't know the work that has been put into a wedding or reception, all they know is what they see. Some guests, don't like when they see themselves sitting a bit of a distance away from your head table, or when they find out that they can't enter the hall until a certain time. And believe it or not, there are some guests who will totally flip if a coordinator politely reminds them that they have not RSVP'd and should stand to the side until they are approved entry. Your coordinator and staff should be well-equipped to handle any emotional outbursts. Take a good long look at her. If she seems like Aunt Ruthie would have her hemmed up, seek other arrangements for the day of the wedding.

• EAT! Your wedding is a big event. Your body is going to be pumping out so many endorphins that you just might forget that no, you cannot live on love alone, you need fuel. I personally forgot to eat at my own wedding and had a splitting headache until the next morning. Make sure that you have a small snack throughout the day to keep your energy up. You will thank yourself later.

• SMILE! (or at least look happy) People are snapping pictures from all angles at all times. You do not even want to know how many brides have seen pictures of themselves after the wedding and said, "What was I thinking about right then?"

• Be attentive to your groom. Yes, its the wedding, and its a big party and you have to greet people etc, but you just attached yourself to this man for LIFE, the least you could do is make sure he knows where you are at your own reception. I have seen with my own two eyes, grooms who are left sitting at their head tables eating while the bride is showing her cousins the new ring.

I would like to personally take this time to honor the life of a great entertainer and helluva Chocolate Groom Mr. Bernard Jeffrey McCullough aka Bernie Mac. What an example of great husbandry and loyalty. Mr. Chicago, you will be forever missed. From one Chi-Town to another, love you Uncle Bernie!

When Someone Tells You Who they are....

Believe them!!!

An anonymous friend recounted a prime example of why you should always follow that tidbit of Maya Angelou wisdom... names have been changed to protect the questionable...

"When I first got engaged Charelle was at everything. She was there at the engagement party. She was asking me what the bridesmaids were going to wear. She was in it with me it seemed."

MochaWifey: What happened?

"She just started pulling back. I guess I should have just let her, but I was holding on to that beginning attitude she had and believing that if I made adjustments and accomodations, she would be alright."

MochaWifey: What do you mean, adjustments and accomodations? What kind of "pulling back" are you talking about?

"When things started coming up, bridesmaid fittings and rehearsals, etc, she started pouring out all these reasons why she couldn't do it. She told me she couldn't afford the dress, so I offered to put some of the money down for her. Then it was she didn't have a babysitter, so I was considering allowing her to bring her kids to my adult reception. I was doing everything to make a way for her to be a part of my day, but she wasn't putting up half the effort."

MochaWifey: What do you regret the most about this experience?

"Just that I didn't take her for what she was showing me. Everyone has issues that come up, and I tried to be a good bride and friend, but when I look back...she was on some BS and I should have just let her excuse herself when she tried to. She wound up being one of my biggest headaches during my wedding. She complained about everything, missed important dates, and had constant run-ins with my other bridesmaids.

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MochaWifey's Random Thought #2
When someone tells you who they are...believe them. If someone is giving you chance after chance to dismiss them, please give them their pink slip.