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The RSVP. How many times before beginning to plan a wedding did you even think about these things? Most of us never even thought about response cards and RSVP wording before we started ogling invitation sets. But this little card means the WORLD in the land of wedding receptions and overall wedding etiquette.

Why is it important? Money and Respect, plain and simple. Ignoring the RSVP card is both disrespectful and very expensive for the newlyweds and guests should consider it when letting the card sit on their kitchen counter for twelve weeks.

The average wedding has anywhere from 150 to 300 guests. A typical price per plate for a wedding reception can range from $28-$52. PER PLATE. A possible $15,000! About a month prior to the event, most reception sites will request a final head count and payment. The final price the bride and groom pay is directly related to this count and how many CONFIRMED guests they are expecting. People who attend your wedding without you adding them to the count, basically cause you to breach the contract you've set with your venue.

This makes it more than a crisis when a guest doesn't RSVP but shows up anyway. I have seen this happen, and I have SEEN with my own eyes brides who've had to stop their reception to tear open wishing wells trying to pay for extra seating, which sorry to tell you, reception halls will then want in CASH. I've seen actual RSVP'd guests standing out in the foyer while dedicated hostesses scour to find the cheat who has taken a reserved seat. Wedding day chaos! Just because Shonda is your cousin, doesn't mean she should KNOW you're going to show up.

Another monetary thing that drives up the sheer annoyance about people who don't send the RSVP's in, is the fact that a bride of etiquette has mailed the RSVP card with PREPAID return postage. So its absolutely infuriating that guests refuse to check a box and drop the tiny card in a mailbox. The absent-minded or inconsiderate guest has already cost the bride and groom at least .36!

A well-worded response card also informs the guest of who exactly is invited by listing the names on the card or how many seats are reserved for them. Most guests who don't RSVP take this as their opportunity to either ignore or add to the listed information. Brides who give you this information aren't being rude, they're counting their $. Just because you think its rude that they didn't list your best friend Laquanda, doesn't mean they are trying to insult you. It's also not rude for them to not list your 3 children. Think about it, you're their parent, do YOU spend $36 on your kid to eat? I thought not.

There are many ways that guests choose to get stupid regarding response cards but the key for the efficient bride is to have three very important things in her arsenal:
1. Explicit and direct wording that informs the guest of what is reserved for them, when you expect the card returned, and what will happen if you don't receive it.
2. A LIST! At your place-card table, provide your hosts and hostesses with an accurate listing of who has RSVP'd. This is imperative!
2. Proficient hosts and hostesses manning your reception place-card table. You do NOT want anyone at that door who is going to let people slip in who are not on your list. If your cousin Carol is going to be letting the whole family in, regardless of the list, you don't want Carol at the door unless she's going to come out of pocket for those extra plates.

Basic RSVP wording:

The favor of a reply is requested by July 00, 2009
M __________________
# of guests _______

____ # of Children 11 & under
____ # of Adults

______ Yes, I / we will be attending.
______ No, but will be thinking of you.


Your RSVP wording is something you can entirely write yourself, but because of the great success of them, I've decided to provide some examples of CB wording. Gotta love those ChocolateBrides. Is there anything they haven't thought of?


MrsMelton08's wording:

We have reserved two seats in your honor for our
Black and White Celebration
The favor of a reply is required by
July 18, 2008to reserve these seats

For your convenience, you may also reserve your seating by
Phone: (xxx) xxx-xxxx,
E-mail: xxxxx@yahoo.com, or
Website: www.xxxxwedding.weddingannouncer.com
When replying at our website please use provided pin number: «RSVP ID»


For my own response cards I used the basic wording but also politley stated that guests were invited to join us for an "Adult Reception" and also ended with this:

"Please respond on or before May 29, 2005 for if you do not do so we regret there may not be a place for you."


But MochaWifey, you say, what happens if they don't RSVP and I don't want to give them the boot at the door? Here's what one CB sent to her Un-RSVP'd guests. I LOVE IT!

Davesgirl:

July 23, 2007

To our Family and Friends,
We hope that you have received our heartfelt invitation to our wedding. We were very excited to share our day with you and are saddened to find you won’t be joining us, but we are sure you will be with us in spirit as we are united as one in Christ and celebrate our union.
As you are aware, our wedding was open to family and friends, however we can no longer hold reservations for our ceremony and reception due to lack of response, it being a plated dinner and limited seating.
Even if you do not plan to attend a function, it is etiquette to return the self addressed, stamped RSVP noting that the invitation has been declined.. Please do so as soon as possible.
Although we are no longer taking reservations for our ceremony and reception due to our RSVP period which ended June 30, 2007, we would still like to extend a heartfelt thank you for considering us.
Thank you for your prayers and thoughts throughout the coming weeks and on our special day.
Sincerely,
The Bride and Groom

If You are a bride, READ THIS!!

Being a part of the ChocolateBrides Community, I've been blessed to attend quite a few weddings. Regardless of whether it was a wedding of a fellow CB who I've had the awesome pleasure of knowing through the board, friends and family members, or sometimes absolute strangers to which the CB magazine is reporting, I tend to see the same repetitive errors....so I'm gonna clue you in to a few.

• Number or code the back of your RSVP cards to correspond with your guest list so that you can tell who the returned cards belong to! I can't tell you how many people don't know how to properly fill out and return an RSVP card. Having a small way to identify their card will save you tons of confusion and time.

• At your rehearsal the night before, take a minute and jot down the order of the processional into the reception. It holds up YOUR entrance when the DJ or coordinator has to walk up and down the bridal party line with a piece of paper asking everyone's name, or making sure that people are standing in the same order as they are written in the program.

• Tell your DJ what kind of music, if not a specific song altogether, that you would like for your bridal party to enter on. I've seen at least three weddings where a really upbeat couple had to enter their reception to smooth jazz. Uncute.

• Clearly DEFINE and EXPLAIN exactly what you want your hostesses and helpers to do! I have been to quite a few receptions where hostesses were sitting around while friendly helpers took on the task of setting up the guest table and other tasks. I've also seen people who have no business running the guest list, suddenly being in charge of telling your Aunt Mabel where she's supposed to sit, and rather rudely I might add. Also, if you expect these people to set up ANY decorations, leave clear instructions about where you want things to be. You do not want people pulling things out of boxes going, "I wonder what she wants us to do with this thing?" No matter how much of a perfectionist or micro-manager you THINK you're still gonna want to be on your wedding day, you will not be the least bit concerned with these things. Trust me. Plan ahead.

• Since we're on the subject of the guest entrance table, make sure you have people at the door who will respect your wishes NO MATTER WHAT. It may mean them catching a few nasty looks, or evil glares, but the goal is not to make them popular, but to make sure that your orders are followed. Even if you made it crystal clear in your invitations that only RSVP'd guests will be allowed into your plated reception, it will go right out the window really fast if your cousin Peaches is at the door laughing and chilling instead of holding up the law.

• You do NOT have to allow any and everyone who asks to help, the opportunity to help. Woe to the bride who let her shaky handed cousin Pearline cut out the monograms she wants perfectly sized for her programs. Please, give Pearline a job that doesn't rest solely on her ability to hold scissors steadily and save yourself the heartache of having to wait until AFTER she's ruined all $15 worth of your specially purchased paper only for you to have to go out and buy some more and then cut it yourself anyway. There are times when trying to be nice, doubles your workload.

• Take your Maid of Honor with you when you have your final fitting. Not just because you want to "ooh" and "ahh" together, but because you need for this woman to know exactly how you want your dress fastened and how the bustle works! It would make no sense at all to spend that hefty fee for a glamorous bustle and then spend a half hour standing helplessly in the bathroom of your reception hall while your MOH tries to figure out what ties with what.

• Please inform your mother and mother-in-law that they are NOT to beat up the coordinator on the day of the wedding. As hard as it may be, the mom's have to realize that the way your day plays out is the way you've planned and coordinated with your wedding staff. Let them know ahead of time that they are not to grandstand and assert authority over your vendors or planner just because their baby got married today. I have seen TWO weddings where the mother of the bride and even one where a mother of the groom, who had no prior knowledge of the couple's wedding plan, came in and restructured seating, changed music selections, even changed the order of the program to suit themselves. Tell Mama nem to "saddown somewhere" or they just might catch a beatdown from your coordinator.

• If you hire a coordinator, hire one with thick skin. Your wedding day may be beautiful on the outside, but baby there are gonna be some battles underneath. People cuss, fuss, and act a clown behind the scenes at weddings. Nothing will be accomplished easily if your coordinator is in the bathroom crying into her hanky because Aunt Ruthie has cursed her out. Yes, even YOUR dear sweet Aunt Ruthie will act a hell's bell fool on her favorite niece's wedding day. Guests, obviously, don't know the work that has been put into a wedding or reception, all they know is what they see. Some guests, don't like when they see themselves sitting a bit of a distance away from your head table, or when they find out that they can't enter the hall until a certain time. And believe it or not, there are some guests who will totally flip if a coordinator politely reminds them that they have not RSVP'd and should stand to the side until they are approved entry. Your coordinator and staff should be well-equipped to handle any emotional outbursts. Take a good long look at her. If she seems like Aunt Ruthie would have her hemmed up, seek other arrangements for the day of the wedding.

• EAT! Your wedding is a big event. Your body is going to be pumping out so many endorphins that you just might forget that no, you cannot live on love alone, you need fuel. I personally forgot to eat at my own wedding and had a splitting headache until the next morning. Make sure that you have a small snack throughout the day to keep your energy up. You will thank yourself later.

• SMILE! (or at least look happy) People are snapping pictures from all angles at all times. You do not even want to know how many brides have seen pictures of themselves after the wedding and said, "What was I thinking about right then?"

• Be attentive to your groom. Yes, its the wedding, and its a big party and you have to greet people etc, but you just attached yourself to this man for LIFE, the least you could do is make sure he knows where you are at your own reception. I have seen with my own two eyes, grooms who are left sitting at their head tables eating while the bride is showing her cousins the new ring.

I would like to personally take this time to honor the life of a great entertainer and helluva Chocolate Groom Mr. Bernard Jeffrey McCullough aka Bernie Mac. What an example of great husbandry and loyalty. Mr. Chicago, you will be forever missed. From one Chi-Town to another, love you Uncle Bernie!