Bridezilla? Who me?

So, as most people who have the WE channel probably have, I happened to find myself fascinated with the television show Bridezillas. It was discovered while I was still planning my own wedding, remained a great pass-the-time show after the broom had been jumped, and then faded out of my TV guide after the one year mark. I watched the show and thought, whew, I'm not a bridezilla, at least that's what I've tried not to be. Then came the afternoon that I was talking to my cousin a couple months before my wedding, and I told her that I had avoided that term throughout my planning to which she said, rather rudely, that I had not succeeded. I can't even tell you the Zilla that started to emerge at that comment. LOL But it got me to thinking, had I been one all along and not known it?

Now, according to Wikipedia, "Bridezilla is a generic term used to describe a difficult, unpleasant, perfectionist bride who leaves aggravated family, friends and bridal vendors in her wake. A bridezilla is obsessed with her wedding as her perfect day and will disregard the feelings of the family, bridesmaids and even her groom in her quest for the perfect wedding."

Was that me? No. Is that you?

I continued to watch the show, and even looked to see what other brides did, hoping that I wouldn't see any similarities. What I found was startling. I found that in most of the African American episodes, the bride was meticulous:

• Newsletters to bridal party members.
• Websites containing important information,
• Requirements well-defined and explained to bridal party.
• Timelines, checklists and task goals clearly mapped out and executed.

Repeatedly, I watched these well-organized women, cut down to size by mothers, friends, and even grooms, simply for having specific wants and plans. Meanwhile, on the other side, there were brides who locked refrigerators, told people they weren't invited because they wouldn't bring a gift, forced children with gap teeth not to smile in their pictures, etc. I began to notice a pattern. I was NOT a bridezilla. I was organized!
As the years have progressed, I continue to believe that this is the case most of the time. I think "our" people have confused the term Bridezilla with being an ORGANIZED BRIDE. I was actually watching the show last week, and realized honestly, that yes some of our sisters were acting the fool, however, most of the black women on bridezillas were trying to be organized and caught the term from uncooperative bridal party members, while the other chicks were honestly just cutting up. One poor girl's sister joked and played around the ENTIRE time, from the dresses to the rehearsal, just acting out, and when the bride told her to stop, they acted like she was being a jerk. Meanwhile, the white bride on the other part of the show, threatened her fiance, said things like, "I deserve this wedding however I want because I'm pretty" , cursed her parents out, etc. I believe there are some cultural issues behind the current use of the term in our community, and probably is the reason why sites like ChocolateBrides.com are so important. You need a refuge to crawl to when asking someone for the umpteenth time to make their final payment on a dress they've known about for six months goes awry. I say, use the term as a compliment. Because in our community, apparently, it is one. Organization is not the enemy. Especially when it comes to your happiness, on your day. Changing the things that are most important to you, in the interest of people who are selfishly more concerned with how comfortable YOUR wedding is for them, would be the real crime.


And by the way, Bridezilla's interviewed me when they did a scouting in Chicago back in 2005, and when I described the things that I had provided such as the newsletter, website, and calendars, they told me flat-out that I was too nice to be considered for the show. So take that, cousin.